My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
