Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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