Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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