Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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