the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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