"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
