I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
