The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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