I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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