i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
