walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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