i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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