Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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