that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
