I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
