theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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