I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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