Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
