You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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