I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
