i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
