i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
