we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
