he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
