New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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