Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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