i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
