I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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