How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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