I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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