I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
