and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
