can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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