So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I met the friendliest cop last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
