i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
