I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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