I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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