how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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