Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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