I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
