Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
third nipple confirmed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
