I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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