God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
