Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
