and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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