Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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