I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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