i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
