I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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