last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had to cum in my sink.
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