i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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