Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
