it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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