I just found puke in my bra..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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