so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
