sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
