The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
