I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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