Where did you get a picture of my penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize