i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
