Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
