I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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