I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
