I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
